Important First Steps for Your Catholic Wedding

It’s very important for you to read through this chapter at the start of your engagement. These first steps will be crucial to making your wedding planning simple and stress-free. I’ll break down the requirements you’ll have to fulfill to be married in the Catholic Church step-by-step. By the end of this chapter, you’ll be a major leap forward in your planning.

Step 1: Choose the Church Where You Will Marry

One of the first big decisions you’ll make is where you’ll have the ceremony. Church law (also known as “Canon law”) requires weddings to be held in the parish church of the bride and groom. If you live in two separate parishes, you can choose either one or the other. Traditionally, couples used to choose the bride’s parish, but this is changing. Your parish will encourage either you or your future spouse to be a registered member of the church where you marry, sometimes for six months or more before the wedding.

Why Registration Matters

Registration is important because the Catholic Church views the Sacrament of Marriage as a celebration of the entire faith community, not just the bride and groom.

Getting Permission to Marry in Another Church or Outside the Church

Sometimes the Church makes exceptions to Canon law and allows couples to marry in a different parish or in a non-Catholic, Christian ceremony. If any of the situations below apply to you, you’ll need to ask your bishop for a “dispensation from canonical form”, or, in simpler terms, permission to marry outside of Church law. If you don’t ask for this permission, your ceremony will be considered invalid in the eyes of the Church.

Two Catholics Getting Married Outside Their Home Parish

There are a variety of situations where you might want to get married in a parish where you don’t currently live. For example, if you want to get married: • In the parish where you grew up • In the parish where most of your family currently lives • In the parish where you went to college • In a parish that’s particularly meaningful for you (for example, a destination wedding in another part of your own country or in place like Europe, Mexico, etc.)

Mixed Marriage Between a Catholic and a Baptized Christian

A bishop can grant a Catholic permission to marry a baptized Christian in a non-Catholic church if doing otherwise would cause “grave difficulties” (for example, to maintain harmony with family members on the non-Catholic’s side, who might object to a Catholic wedding ceremony). Special permission is required because the Church doesn’t view non-Catholic wedding vows as being the same as Catholic wedding vows. The Church also doesn’t believe that the two ceremonies are equally sufficient for the marriage’s validity. The most important things to keep in mind are: • Canon law does not allow a non-Catholic minister and a Catholic priest to officiate at the same wedding • It’s also not possible for a Catholic to take marriage vows in two separate ceremonies, regardless of which one takes place first Please remember, however, that before you’re granted this dispensation, you’ll likely be required to go through Catholic marriage preparation.

Non-Church Wedding Between Two Catholics

It’s important to point out that the Catholic Church will not give permission for a non-church wedding between two Catholics. For the Church, marriage is a sacrament, and for it to be recognized as such, the ceremony must take place in a Catholic church with a priest officiating. For example, if you want to get married on a beach, that will not be allowed. However, you can marry in a Catholic church built by the beach. There are, for example, some lovely Catholic churches with beach views in Mexico, but you would still need permission from your bishop to marry there.

Step 2: Set Up an Appointment with the Church

Once you’ve determined the location of the church for your wedding ceremony, visit its website to see if it has information about celebrating the Sacrament of Marriage. Read through the information to familiarize yourself with the church’s policies. Next, call or visit your parish and ask to schedule an appointment for an initial in-person interview with the priest or deacon who will witness your marriage.

What to Expect at the Interview

This interview allows him to discuss whether you meet the requirements for marriage in the Catholic Church. This interview is a “getting to know you” session to see if there are any issues that might require additional support or even professional counseling before you can be married in the Church.

Step 3: Attend the Interview

On the day of the interview, arrive early and bring a list of any questions you may have. Below we’ll take a look at what your priest will discuss with you during your appointment.

What Is Necessary for a Sacramental Marriage?

One of the most important topics your priest will cover is whether you meet four basic requirements for a sacramental marriage.

1. You Are Free to Marry

To be free to marry, you must meet the following conditions: SEX You must be a man and a woman. AGE You must both be of legal age to marry according to civil and Church law. CONSANGUINITY You cannot be closely related by blood. INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY You must have the mental ability to understand the rights and responsibilities of marriage. If not, you cannot marry. PREVIOUS MARRIAGE You cannot currently be married to someone else or divorced. Previous marriage is the most common impediment to marriage today. The Church doesn’t recognize divorce because it believes that marriage is a solemn promise (also known as a “covenant”) that cannot be dissolved. However, the Church can annul a previous marriage, making it possible for you to remarry. It’s essential for individuals who have been divorced to be honest and open about their marital history with the priest during pre-marital counseling so he can offer proper guidance and support.

2. You Are Able to Freely Give Your Consent to Marriage

Both you and your future spouse must be able to exchange your marriage vows freely. This means entering marriage without coercion and with full, informed consent. There should be no outside pressures (such as family expectations) or internal obstacles (such as fear or ignorance) affecting your decision. Your freely given consent ensures that the decision to marry is rooted in genuine love and commitment, not obligation or manipulation.

3. You Agree with the Essential Purposes of Marriage

A valid, sacramental Catholic marriage must align with the Church’s teachings: MARRIAGE IS FOREVER You must agree that marriage is permanent and that you’re entering into it “until death do you part,” reflecting the eternal and unbreakable covenant of God’s love. YOU MUST BE FAITHFUL Marriage requires exclusive fidelity to your spouse. This means a commitment to remain loyal and uphold the vows you make during the sacrament. Avoiding relationships or behaviors that undermine your marriage is essential. Faithfulness mirrors the covenantal bond between Christ and the Church, marked by unwavering devotion. YOU ARE OPEN TO RAISING CHILDREN The Church teaches that the procreation and upbringing of children are central to marriage. Children are a gift from God, and married couples have a sacred responsibility to be open to life. They’re called to lovingly welcome children and accept the duty to raise and educate them in the faith, helping them grow spiritually, morally, and emotionally.

4. Your Consent Must Be Given in Accordance with Canon Law

The Catholic Church has specific rules to ensure your marriage is valid: WITNESSES MUST BE PRESENT A valid Catholic marriage must be witnessed by an authorized member of the Church (a priest or deacon) and two additional witnesses, usually your Best Man and Maid of Honor. YOU MUST FOLLOW THE MARRIAGE RITUALS IN THE ORDER OF CELEBRATING MATRIMONY You’re required to follow The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, the official liturgical book of the Catholic Church, which provides the words and actions used during the wedding liturgy.

Setting Your Wedding Date

Once the priest or deacon determines that you’re free to marry in the Church, you’ll likely be able to set a wedding date. In some parishes, however, the date may remain tentative until you complete the marriage preparation program.

Should You Choose a Nuptial Mass or a Marriage Without a Mass?

While you’re at the interview, the priest will likely discuss whether you’ll celebrate your marriage within the context of a Mass. If your marriage is between two Catholics, he’ll most likely recommend a Nuptial Mass. In the case of a “mixed marriage” (when one spouse is a baptized Catholic and the other is a baptized Christian of another denomination) or where there is a “disparity of cult” (a marriage between a baptized Catholic and someone who is not baptized), the Church may suggest, or require, that the wedding takes place outside of the Mass to respect the religious differences of the couple and their families. The exchange of vows is the essential element of the Sacrament of Matrimony, so the couple can still enter the sacrament validly, even without a Mass.

Practical Considerations to Discuss with Your Priest

It’s likely that the priest, deacon, or marriage coordinator will provide you with a pamphlet containing important information about getting married at your church. Whether you receive one or not, here are some practical topics you’ll want to discuss: • Fees for the ceremony • Required documentation • Marriage preparation classes • Natural Family Planning (NFP) instruction • Music selections • Reading selections • Allowed decorations • Rules for photography and videography

Step 4: Start Planning Early to Set a Date

When it comes to getting married in the Catholic Church, the earlier you start planning, the better! There’s no way around this. Unlike a last-minute civil wedding, where you could be married the same day, your parish will require at least six months’ notice before you can marry.

Why Six Months?

The Church requires this waiting period to give you time for your spiritual preparation. Planning early is also essential for practical reasons. The Church calendar can fill up quickly, especially during peak wedding seasons.

Choosing a Meaningful Date

When choosing your date, think about what’s spiritually meaningful to you. Some couples choose a particular liturgical season, such as Advent or Lent. Others avoid these times because they tend to be more solemn. There’s no right or wrong answer. Just do what feels right for you. Start considering dates 8 to 12 months in advance, or even a bit further out. Below are some helpful guidelines to keep in mind as you begin choosing a date. Be sure to stay flexible until you’ve confirmed the availability of your chosen date with your parish staff.

Dates When the Catholic Church Does Not Permit Weddings

You may schedule your wedding for any day or time except Good Friday and Holy Saturday during the Easter Triduum.

Dates and Times Your Parish May Restrict

Your church may limit certain days or times for practical reasons. For example, many parishes will not permit weddings late on a Saturday afternoon due to conflicts with evening Mass. You may also wish to avoid parish events such as Confirmations, First Communions, or festivals, when the staff may already be at full capacity.

Days When You May Not Choose Your Own Readings

You may schedule your wedding for any day of the week, but you’ll be required to use the assigned readings if your wedding takes place during a regular Saturday evening or Sunday Mass. The same applies to certain holy days and solemnities, including: • New Year’s Day • Ash Wednesday • August 15 (Feast of the Assumption) • November 1 (All Saints Day) • November 2 (All Souls Day) • Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday • Ascension Sunday • September 14 (Feast of the Holy Cross) • December 13–25 (Christmas Season) • January 5 and 6 (Epiphany)

Catholic Wedding Dates to Consider: Thinking Outside the Box

While most weddings take place on Saturdays, there are many other meaningful, and practical, options to explore. Consider a Friday Evening Wedding There’s no rule that says your wedding must be on a Saturday! A Friday evening ceremony between 4:00 and 6:30 PM can be beautiful and convenient. While some guests may not attend due to work or travel, others may appreciate having the rest of the weekend free. The key is to choose what works best for you and your fiancé. Incorporate Your Wedding into a Weekend Mass Some parishes allow couples to marry during a regularly scheduled weekend Mass. This can be a great option, especially if you’re an active member of the parish. While you may need to forgo choosing your own readings or music, sharing your vows with your parish community can make the celebration more meaningful. Choose a Date During the Christmas or Easter Season Hosting your wedding during the Christmas or Easter seasons brings a joyful, festive atmosphere. Many churches are already beautifully decorated, saving you both time and money. You may also find parish staff more available in the days following these major holidays. Share the Day with Another Couple If you’re open to it, consider sharing your wedding date with another couple. You can reduce decorating costs by holding ceremonies at different times on the same day, or even plan a double wedding if you’re especially close. This requires extra coordination but can also add fun, joy, and cost savings to the celebration. Celebrate on the Feast Day of a Special Saint If you’re still unsure about the date, you might want to consider choosing the feast day of a favorite saint to add a beautiful spiritual dimension. Or, if you already have a date in mind, look up which saint is honored that day and consider including a devotion in your ceremony, program, or reception.

Dates You May Wish to Avoid

Religious Dates to Avoid You may want to avoid getting married during Advent (the four Sundays before Christmas) or Lent (the roughly 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter). These seasons are penitential, and your parish may require you to tone down the celebration. You might also consider skipping the busiest wedding months: May, June, July, August, September, and October, to increase your chances of booking vendors and securing off-season pricing. Non-Religious Dates to Avoid In addition to liturgical concerns, you may want to avoid dates that conflict with major secular events, such as: • Major civic holidays (e.g., Memorial Day weekend) • Major sporting events (e.g., the Super Bowl or World Series) • Graduation weekends • The weekend before April 15 (Tax Day)

And Last but Not Least… Ask Your Parish What Works for Them

Once you’ve selected your church, be sure to work closely with the parish staff when selecting a date. They’ll truly appreciate your consideration of their schedule as well as your own.

Step 5: Submitting Required Documentation

If you’ve gone through the previous four steps, you should now have your church location and wedding date set, or at least be well on your way to deciding these details. Your priest, deacon, or parish wedding coordinator will likely provide you with a checklist of the forms and paperwork you’ll need to submit. These will vary depending on your situation and your parish or diocese’s requirements.

Required Paperwork

Below is a list of documents commonly required by the Catholic Church:

1. A Baptismal Certificate

The most critical item will be a recently issued, official copy of your baptismal certificate from the parish where you were baptized. A certificate or other proof of baptism is required even if you or your fiancé received a Christian baptism outside of the Catholic Church. Why is the baptismal certificate so important? The Catholic Church keeps marriage records at the parish where you were baptized. This certificate proves that you have not been previously married in the Catholic Church and are therefore eligible to marry. Additionally, if one of you is not Catholic, this document helps the priest, deacon, or coordinator determine which rite should be used, since different versions are followed for marriages between two Catholics versus marriages between a Catholic and a non-baptized person.

2. Certificates of Holy Communion and Confirmation

Some parishes may ask for recently issued certificates showing that you’ve received your First Eucharist and the Sacrament of Confirmation. These are required to be fully initiated into the Catholic Church. If you’re Catholic but haven’t been confirmed, you may be asked to complete this sacrament before your wedding.

3. Affidavit of Freedom to Marry

This affidavit, usually written by your parents or someone who knows you well, states that you’re free to marry.

4. Civil Marriage License

You’ll need a civil marriage license from your local municipality to present to the priest or deacon presiding over your wedding. This is typically submitted the day of or in the week or two leading up to the ceremony.

5. Pre-Marriage Inventories

These assessments help you prepare for marriage by highlighting the strengths and areas of growth in your relationship. Based on research, they cover topics like: • Individual traits (emotional health, values, beliefs) • Couple traits (communication, conflict resolution, shared goals) • Personal and relationship context (family background, age at marriage, support from loved ones) These aren’t tests, and there are no right or wrong answers. Your pastor will review the results with you and discuss any concerns. Popular inventories include: • FOCCUS • PREPARE/ENRICH • PMI • FACET Most inventories can be completed online, but check with your parish to ensure they meet diocesan standards.

6. Marriage Preparation Course Completion Certificate

Most parishes require engaged couples to complete a marriage prep program, often called “Pre-Cana.” This could be a retreat, meetings with a priest, or a series of counseling sessions. These programs help couples reflect on their relationship, their faith, and the lifelong commitment they’re making. Popular online programs include: • The Marriage Group • Catholic Marriage Prep Before registering, confirm the program is accepted by your parish.

7. Natural Family Planning Course Completion Certificate

Some parishes require couples to complete a course in Natural Family Planning (NFP). If so, you’ll need to present a certificate of completion. NFP is based on observing natural fertility signs, not on calendar calculations or artificial methods. It respects the Church’s teaching on openness to life and requires no drugs, devices, or surgery. Courses usually involve six sessions and ongoing support. To learn more, visit the USCCB’s NFP page.

8. Decree of Nullity or Death Certificate

If one or both of you have been previously married, you’ll need either a death certificate for your former spouse or a Decree of Nullity showing the Church has annulled the previous marriage.

9. Other Forms

Your parish may have custom forms to help with preparation or coordination, such as a personal profile or a planning sheet for ceremony details (readings, music, wedding party members, etc.).

Don’t Be Overwhelmed

Gathering this documentation can feel like a paperwork overload, but take it step by step. If you’re unsure or overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to your parish. They’re there to support you!